Salmonella won’t be a concern.
No one will overeat.
Everyone will think it’s Cajun Blackened.
Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly found appreciation.
Pets won’t pester you for scraps.
The smoke alarm was due for a test.
Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
You’ll get to the desserts quicker.
You won’t have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.
Source: Craig Boldman and Pete Matthews, authors of Every Excuse in the Book: 714 Ways to Say “It’s Not My Fault.”
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